In life, we go through a lot as people – from death, heartbreak, to feeling overwhelmed from life’s daily trials and tribulations. I feel like this has been the slogan for 2020 for most if not everyone. I know it has been that way for me. I went into this year, like many, with high hopes and aspirations to do and be better than the last. I honestly thought, pre-quarantine, I was doing just that – maneuvering the ins and outs of life, and winning, but corona had to put me in my place. In the beginning of quarantine, I honestly felt hopeless, felt like I had no control or power in any shape or form concerning my future. I fell into a sticky and dark depression if I’m being honest, as I think like many in the world did. Especially with what was going on in the world, from people dropping like flies, heavy systematic racial issues coming to the surface and a president acting like none of this was even happening. Quarantine gave me a lot of time to think about who and what I am, and who I wanted to be in the future. The first thing I learned was I never even knew who I was, who was Phillip? And that I had a multitude of insecurities that were adding to my lows and depression in life. This started a journey of self-discovery into who I was. Through tons of research and reading, the same concept kept coming up, Self- Love. I always heard people use this word as an excuse to splurge on themselves with tons of material items, trips to foreign places, and everything else in-between.
Self love is a concept I feel that we all have heard and been told about since what seems like forever. Sadly, I still don’t know what it truly is. Social media, family, and friends always tells us it’s you choosing to take a break for once, recouping after a break-up, or the first step before you can be in a HEALTHY relationship romantically & personally. So I, like most, feel stuck figuring out what “TRUE SELF LOVE” is. I hear it’s taking an off day from work & life to treat yourself, only saying positive things to and about yourself, etc. Honestly, I feel like it’s a multitude of these variations and other things that we can consider self love, and it’s up to YOU to create your own variation. I feel like we all have insecure moments about our imperfections. I know I have a lot lately. But it’s up to each and every one of us to LOVE ourselves and our imperfections so much that they’re not negatives or deficits to us, but just unique signifiers that make us OURSELVES. So SELF LOVE for you can be taking that chance on that person you like, looking good in an outfit, or working out…in the end do WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU.
If you ask me how I’m doing now, honestly I would tell everyone that I’ve experienced more death, one of the toughest break-ups of my life, but also some blessings. Such as making it this far into the Covid pandemic – mentally and physically whole, learning how to truly live, and growing closer to God. If you’re reading this, then I made it to Un-associated’s Wall, and I know a little something about what self love is in my own variation. If I could leave you with some words of wisdom and motivation it would be this: 2020 isn’t the year of year’s past. I forced myself to believe that it’s the year we all needed to wake ourselves up to what we all could truly be and what we were destined to be. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I’m writing this because I truly believe we all can do something to blossom and love ourselves even more in the process. Keep working on yourself because that’s the most important work- even if you don’t get paid for it.
