The Defining Series was launched to amplify the experiences and testimonies of members of our community. For the month of March, UN-ASSOCIATED is dedicating its content, including The Defining Series, to the women of our community with the theme for this month being “Defined by His Design”. For this edition of The Defining Series, women of God from our community shared their insights into what it means to be daughters of God and the unique nature of their relationship to God as women.

Editor-in-Chief, Danielle Clayton, sat down with Santa Ana native Ijah Egwuonwu to reflect on the impact growing up in a Christian community had on her relationship with the Lord and the advantages of being a woman in and of God.

D: This is the Defining Series: Women’s Month Edition. My name is Danielle Clayton and you are?

I: Ijah Egwuonwu.

D: And where are you from?

I: Santa Ana, California.

D: We are going to dive right in. What does being a daughter of God mean to you?

I: That is a really complex question and I say it’s complex because when you’re younger, you don’t necessarily see the impact that relationships with family can have on your perception of God. Especially because we say God the Father and the Son of God, those are familiar terms so that we can have a better grasp on God’s full character, but when you have traumatic experiences with those that fit that language of Father, in my experience, I struggle with the characteristics of God as a Father because of my distorted view of what fatherhood looks like. I’m still in the process of understanding what it looks like to be a daughter of God but I will say the beauty of being a daughter of God, a child of God, is His patience and even as I struggle with receiving and accepting, even doubting His fatherhood, He still makes room for me to be a child. He makes room for my emotions, for my pain, and for me to learn what holy love, adoration, and admiration look like. Life is a journey and how we engage God’s Fatherhood and our daughtership can be complicated but I think recognizing life is a journey, that this is not our home, and this is not what He intended for creation is important. It can be painful to reconcile our relationships and God’s role as our Father, but that’s where wrestling with God comes in, and there are blessings in that. We don’t have to feel guilty about that and we can feel free in that.

D: What you just said reminded me of two things. I have a Spurgeon Study Bible and I was reading one of the Psalms today and there Spurgeon’s notes under some of the verses and under the note of the Psalm I was reading today, he wrote Earth is not our home and even at its best, this is not still not our permanent place. Secondly, when my dad teaches Sunday School, he always describes our being here as a dual citizenship in the sense that we have this physicality on Earth but this is not where our life ends. He always says that we’re spiritual bodies encased in flesh. We are, like you said, grappling with the human condition while also having supreme knowledge that there is a greater force at work.

D: What would you say is your favorite thing about being a woman?

I: Something I am learning is there are no bounds to how a woman can present herself and by that, I mean as it relates to personality. In this social media-influenced world, there are so many types of women. There are women who love to work out and are beasts in the gym and then there are women who are more feminine and gentile and like all things pretty and are beautified with their makeup. For me, I’m in the middle. I like being strong. I like running and working out. I like having a great time with my friends and my family. I think the most influential thing about being a woman is our resilience. We carry such a unique resilience to work, trauma, family, and even, cramps. Even when we’re married, our role, though some women on social media would like to believe it is about being pampered, is important. Of course, it’s nice to be pampered. I want to be pampered, don’t get me wrong, but being married as a woman, your role is also to be a rock for your husband and that’s not a masculine thing. I think people hear that and misconstrue it by thinking it’s just only the job of the husband to be a rock. If God is Our rock and solid foundation and He wants us to be like Him, that means all His children are representatives. We are all to be rocks and when it says the two are better than one, we are both supposed to be supporting each other. I just think being a woman is great in general but I would definitely say our resilience and our social ability. It is something that gets us through things and in many ways, saves our lives. It’s not something to play with. We’re constantly checking in on each other and thinking about our families, our husbands and our kids. We have a foresight to think of others which is also a characteristic of God. He’s always thinking of others.

D: It’s like you know the questions I’m going to ask. Speaking of women’ s social ability, how important is spiritual sisterhood and fellowship to you?

I: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being transparent about the fact that I have struggled with mental health, anxiety, and depression for a long time because of family circumstances. When it comes to ministry and having those safe spaces with other women, that can be a ministry for yourself, as well as to the women you’re sharing your experiences with. Of course, we cover the unsaid prayers or those things that have not been shared or spoken. People are carrying things they’re not saying. But the way we talk to one another, the way in which we share our burdens with one another, or encouragement, empowerment, motivation, we need that. It gets us to the next day. God did not say, “Adam, it is good for you to be alone.” He said, “It is not good for you to be alone.” That applies in that we need a community.

Also, the fact that God Himself exists in the Trinity is He Himself in community. He Himself needs every aspect of Himself to speak to us in different ways. In the Old Testament, we see God’s authority and the failings of the Israelites and then we get to the New Testament and see the fulfillment of God’s promise in sending His son to foster faith and hope and belief who taught and possessed such wisdom. He was well-spoken and educated, and the Bible says, He was attractive because God is beautiful and we are able to see the fullness of God. Jesus dies and rises again and God gives us the blessing of the Holy Spirit to connect with us specifically and individually to speak to us, to speak through other people to us so that we can have a more intimate relationship. The community, the Trinity is for us to be in deeper, more intimate and connected relationship which means for sisterhood, that is what we need!

D: Who are some of your favorite women in the Bible? Is there a woman that in the Bible that you relate the most to or whose story resonates the most with you? Or is there just a story you like to read over and over again?

I feel like I see each woman for different reasons. I think because I have an inquisitive mind and a sense of compassion, I find Eve very interesting and I also find Sarah very interesting and the fact that they both, in some ways, exhibited similar behaviors. Eve was told not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and she did that. She exhibited some favoritism in her children and so did Sarah. I read a good portion of the Old Testament and the repetition of behaviors is what I started to see this time. In my youth, I really admired Ruth because of her commitment to her people as well as her faith in God. In that particular book, you don’t really see God but you do see His favor and that she was chosen by God and her people. Even in that particular culture, she challenged the ruler. All of these women, Eve, Mary, and Ruth, these are all women were going through normal processes. Eve comes across the one tree she’s told not to eat from and she does anyway and many of us are told by God particularly not to do something and we still do it. Then, Sarah didn’t believe she could have a child at her age and she told her husband to sleep with someone else because she didn’t believe God. But I get it because she and Abraham were old and even though God spoke to her, she had other plans.

But the Grace of God though on the servant because Sarah kicks her out. The serpent is out there, she’s nervous for her child and she cries out to God because she doesn’t believe he will survive and God tells her, “I still have a plan for your child.” What I find crazy is that Jesus is still supposed to come through the line of Abraham through Sarah and God still had a plan for the other child. God doesn’t just pay attention to the children of Israel, He pays attention to all of them. Even with the 99, He leaves to find the one. He had his plan through Abraham and Sarah and He still goes and talks to her. He left the one and she was obedient. She was a servant doing what she was told and was lost with her child and God still found her, spoke to her, and covered her child. The grace in that and the intentionality in that that God wouldn’t just care for Israel but for other nations as well. I think that says something about His love and the importance of the obedience of women. Generations come through us and God made promises to men that would not have been fulfilled without women.

D: Knowing everything that you know at this current stage in life, what would you tell younger Ijah that was coming into her faith?

I: I would’ve just told her it was okay. The feelings you feel, it’s okay. God has space for you. You can be mad, you can be angry. The struggles of your parents are not God’s struggles. He chooses you. He loves you. It’s okay that you don’t feel loved by him. You’ll understand. You’re doing a good job. You’re following God’s Word even when it doesn’t feel good. You’re choosing God even though it hurts. Keep going because He sees you. The rewards will come later. You won’t know what they are and I’m not telling you. The rewards and the blessings will come from your obedience from your commitment to Him even when it’s hard.

D: Do you have any encouragement for women in their faith, wherever they are in their journey?

I: Walk where you are. Embrace where you are. Don’t look left and right. Don’t compare your journey to someone else. If you are thriving, continue thriving and enjoy that season. You don’t need to act like you’re going through something. If you’re not going through something and God has blessed you with a surplus, be encouraged and keep going! Continue to build that. Don’t think following God means you have to be small. God does not call us to bury our talents. If He has given you something and keeps giving to you and keeps encouraging you and entrusting things to you, you need to keep building because the particular purpose He has for you is greater than you think it is.

For the women who are feeling lost, discouraged, hopeless alone, sad, burdened by change, by loss, by frustration, by anger, it is okay. It is okay to feel. God holds all of those things. If you need a sister, I’m happy to chat with you. If you need a sister, I’m sure you have friends that you might not be sharing things with. Pray and ask God for the wisdom you may need about whom to entrust your heart to and just start talking. If you can’t talk, cry. If you can’t cry, allow somebody to hug you and to see and know that you’re not okay. Don’t suffer alone. Don’t let the enemy take advantage of you. He wants you to feel like you’re in the darkness that there is no light and that there is no reason to have faith and that is not true. We are not children of the God of lies. God is the truth. Nothing but light. Nothing but love and righteousness. So if you are in that season, I am here with you and I love you. God loves you and is with you even though you may not feel like it. Even in that season, I encourage you to reflect, to journal, and to read the Bible. If you don’t want to read the Bible think about why. Ask yourself why? Until you get glimpses of why you’re resistant, you’ll never know because it’s very possible you need healing. That healing process is going to take time and unless you ask the question of why, you’re not going to get there.