The Defining Series was launched to amplify the experiences and testimonies of members of our community. In honor of the Un-Associated 5th Anniversary, we have brought back the community initiative to continue to share stories, triumphs, and challenges as a way to illuminate the journeys of our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. We have more in common than we realize, especially as young believers in Christ, and The Defining Series serves as a vehicle to connect us through the common thread of God’s presence in our lives and the myriad of ways in which He makes Himself known to us.
Editor-in-Chief Danielle Clayton sat down with Abby Angle, a native of Desert Hot Springs, California, who is unassociated with domestic violence.
Danielle Clayton: We are just going to dive right in. What are you un-associated with?
Abby Angle: I’m un-associated with a lot. I’d have to say, the biggest thing I’m un-associated with is domestic violence.
D: Tell us a little bit about why you’re un-associated with that, however you want to approach that. Give us a little more about why you’re un-associated with these words.
A: Hmm. How are you un-associated with that?
D: Let’s work backwards. When did you realize it [domestic violence] was something you were free from?
A: When I was free from the depression, anxiety and PTSD that was attached to it. It was, I’d have to say, last August. I walked around with this heavy pressure on me constantly. All my smiles were fake and I couldn’t really feel anything. I woke up one morning and I felt super light. It’s hard to explain but this pressure that was weighing on my chest just lifted and I was actually able to feel joyful and not pretending to feel happy.
D: That’s really big. I want to ask because I think sometimes when we endure difficult things, as Christians and nonbelievers, there’s a difficulty in our relationship with God. I’m really interested in how your relationship with God grew from this.
A: The reason I was in that relationship because I walked outside the umbrella of God’s protection. I stepped outside of what He had for me and chose to be with this man, and that ended up hurting me in the end. This is gonna sound horrible, but when I came back to God, it wasn’t because I loved God, it was because I actually needed Him. I got to a point where I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t exist without being tormented. I knew God would give me peace and heal me, so I was just like, I need God. That’s all I need. I wrestled with coming back to church because I thought, how can a God that’s all-knowing, all-loving let this happen to me and I’m His child, but He can’t force me to be under His protection. I chose not to be. I asked why did you let me get hurt and the thing that kept coming back was “I let me Son get hurt. If I allowed my Son to be hurt, then humans aren’t exempt from pain.”
D: I wanted to ask, what did the process teach you about yourself and about God, beyond His patience. Also, were there any Scriptures that you discovered when you were finding your way back that were liberating and comforted your Spirit?
A: I found this scripture, Isaiah 43:2; “when you walk through the rivers, they will not overtake you, I will be with you and when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.” That one is mine because that is exactly what happened to me. I’ll start with me because it leads to what I learned about God. My friends always tell me, Abby, you’re so strong and I’m like dude, I am the weakest person here.
D: But in your weakness, He is your strength.
A: Exactly, yes He is. I realized how much I can endure something and not because of my own strength, but because of God. So, there were days I couldn’t get out of bed or focus. I would ask God, show me that you are here. For example, I walked around in a very gray world – everything was dull, there was no color. One moment when I was absolutely still, God shone a bright light and I live in a desert so it’s all dirt and brown and I definition in the mountains. So, in that moment, I felt joy and peace and that moment got me to the next phone. Knowing God was around me, amdist my fietry trials, let me know He is longsuffering and patient. He would never leave me or forsake me.
D: To go back to the domestic violence piece, what was the catalyst where you were just like I can’t do this aymore and I have to leave?
A: I lived with him and we got into an argument. We were screaming at each other and he raised his hand at me, which was something he had never done before and in that moment, I went absolutely still because I was alreand the fact that he was going to him me let me know if I didn’t leave soon, I was going to die here, so I devised a plan to get out of there.
D: From what I have heard about situations of domestic violence, the person usually isolates you from other people. What was it like being isolated and now having a community?
A: I was already isolated from everyone else because I was in a state I knew one in. Everyone I was hanging around with, when I was with my abuser, I started to hang out with them less and less. Then, it was he didn’t want to be anywhere by myself. Like he would pick me up from work and if I wasn’t around him, it felt off. There’s a push and pull in a relationship like that that makes you feel crazy when you’re not with them.
D: I think they’ve also manipulated you into feeling like that.
A: Yes, very much so, and I was in a position to be manipulated. When I came home, we were still in a relationship and I still felt isolated. He wouldn’t let me go to church. I went to church every single Sunday, no matter what I did the night before. I was going to church and he said, where are you going? I want to go with you. I said I’m going to church, let’s go. We went there, we sat in church and I was completely dead and he asked, well, why are you here? He said, I don’t like it when you come here. The next Sunday as I went to leave for church, he stopped me and I didn’t go to church after that. When I came back home, I could not be around any guys and could not accept physical touch from any male, including my little brother. Hugs scared the crap out of me. When my brother would try to play fight with me, I would scream. It isolated me mentally, but also physically.
D: What was it like coming back to your community once you started healing?
A: I didn’t know how to talk to people, so I practiced having small conversations, and ordering coffee with my therapist. That’s kind of where it first started. Thank the Lord He put me in an internship at a church because there was one pastor there, her name is Pastor Deb who grabbed me and pulled me under her wing, she did life with me and accepted my awkwardness.
D: So, you had a community to come back into.
A: I did. First, I found God and then the community came.
D: How would you advise someone in your situation and what would present you tell your past self? You can answer either one.
A: They’re both the same. Do not beat yourself up over something you didn’t know and forgive yourself because you didn’t know.
D: I am incredibly moved by your story and even more moved and excited by the God that we serve that has given you peace and has allowed you to be a person that can smile again, can laugh again and can experience love because everyone deserves to have that feeling.
