That’s what I read on my Twitter timeline Wednesday afternoon after spending a sad number of hours updating my resume and writing cover letters. Esteemed stylist and creative director Farren Andrea had tweeted it, and while I knew I had seen some variation of the sentiment before, I wasn’t sure if it was the tweet’s blunt phrasing – how simple the made the act of “doing it” seem – or the fact that I was hearing it from him that made those words hit so hard.
Throughout high school and my first year of college, I struggled heavily with manic depression and anxiety. Some of that depression was rooted in unaddressed grief from the loss of a loved one, but when I look back on the things I’d written at the time, I see now that a large part of that emptiness was due to the persistent ennui I felt draping over my daily life. Whether this was the cause or a symptom of my depression, I do not know; however, I do remember how listless I felt – day in and day out. In a world that conditions us to be productive all the time, I felt like I was lagging behind everyone around me. The increasing disappointment I had in myself only fed my depression.
I yearned for something to do – a hobby to pick up, a sport to throw myself into. Something about my depression made me want to lie in bed all day, and I felt that if I could find something I simply liked doing, something with which I could bode my time, I would start feeling a little bit better about myself. I wanted to pick surfing back up. I wanted to start performing at open mics again. I wanted to relearn the piano. However, as simple as all of these things were, it was the mental inhibition of feeling stuck that kept me from following through, like the delusion that I was already too old to start learning anything new (I was 17), or the fear that I would never be as good at these things as I once was. The voices in my head didn’t know why I should try, so I listened. And my depression inevitably got worse.
After speaking with some of my peers, friends, and family, I learned over time that I wasn’t alone in this feeling of being stuck or “too late”; it’s not even a feeling limited to depression. Everyone has come across a sport, hobby, instrument, art form, or skill they wished they were good at, and has felt it was too late to start learning – the fear of accepting inevitable amateurity. Even when I started pulling my mind out of the depressive hole I’d dug myself into, the fear still lingered. However, I started coming up with tactics to combat it, recording tips from friends, family, and role models. This is the list of mantras those tips come down to.
Sure, it’s short, and what has helped me likely won’t help everyone. But maybe it’ll help you. (Note: These tips only worked for me once I started treating my depression and anxiety mentally, emotionally, and physically. The idea that simple mantras might be able to break depressive or anxious habits is an oversimplification of what it takes to help those who are struggling with their mental health!)
1. It’s never too late, no matter your age.
Everything in this world is incredibly rushed. We’re told to dedicate ourselves to a line of work in the first quarter of our lives, and it takes the deconstruction of that notion to start telling ourselves that it’s okay if we don’t graduate in four years, or have to take extra classes, or take a longer time after school to understand what we want to commit our lives to. Choosing a career is a decision that will supposedly determine the rest of our days here. We should be allowed to take the time we need, but we often aren’t. There’s no wonder why that fear of being “too late” is so automatic, almost instinctive, and so common. 20 is not as old as you think it is. There is far more time to learn something new in the coming years than the 20-something years you’ve already spent here, which leads into my next point perfectly.
2. You don’t have to rush yourself.
As bizarre as it may be, using time to your desire is such a powerful act of self-care and love that can often seem impossible. You don’t have to rush to introduce and familiarize yourself with a new skill or hobby. Reading for pleasure is a good example. Anything can be intolerable once you start making it an assignment, and learning something new on your own is the exact opposite! You’re doing it because you want to. To reiterate: there are no pressures. Go at your own pace.
3. You’re never as trapped as you think you are.
Change is always possible. You might tell yourself it’s not “like” you, a Humanities major, to want to start getting really good at coding. You might figure that spending time learning something new is just taking away from time spent on passions you’ve already established. Or, going back to the age thing, maybe you are stuck thinking you’ll never be “as good” at something compared to someone your age who’s been doing it for years. The point is, it doesn’t matter. Like everyone else, I often limit myself to the boxes I’ve constructed in my head, but we’re never as trapped in those boxes as we think we are. If you want to pick something up, all it takes is a mindset adjustment. You can always just start.
4. Discomfort catalyzes change.
Yes, doing, practicing, and engaging in the things we want to will require adding to our already-hectic lives. Yes, writing that poem you’ve always wanted to write will require time and effort. Yes, trying to make reading for pleasure habitual for you again will require actual reading. You might be scared of not being able to code a whole website on the first day. You might be annoyed at the fact that writing poetry is harder than you thought. The discomfort of trying something new often comes from making that extra initial effort. It’s like inertia: everything will remain the same unless you act upon it.
5. Just do things when you want to do them, because you can (*if you are able to).
If you have the resources, are able to, and have some spare time on your hands, just write the song. Pick up that language you’ve always wanted to learn. Get some loose paper and start sketching designs for that clothing line you want to launch. Start reading again. If the answer to “what’s stopping you?” is based in excuses (you know yourself best!) or can be overcome in the foreseeable future, this is your sign to start. This is where that quote, “Starting is the hardest part,” comes from. Throw all expectations out the window; starting is already a huge step forward.
Do it before you regret not doing it.
Returning back to the tweet that inspired these thoughts, regret can be a powerful emotion. It goes hand-in-hand with the fleeting nature of time. If one decides not to do something now, they may find themselves years later, wishing they had done it when they had the chance. No matter how much one might wish for those lost moments back, they will never be able to reverse those decisions. This isn’t to say that you should pressure yourself into learning a new skill or picking up a new hobby now… just skip Excuses #1-3 and the doubt hiding underneath. “Doing it” might be difficult, whatever the “it” may be, but trust that the challenge of the pursuit will make the results that much more rewarding.
