November is Men’s Month here at UN-ASSOCIATED and for the  month of November, our weekly monthly devotionals will be authored by men in our community. The theme and prompt of each piece is community and discipleship. Today, we begin with Phillip.

What is community as a man? Do I have a community? These are the questions I have been asking myself as of late, especially as I tread closer and closer to the end of my twenties and even more so due to it being Men’s month for UNASSOCIATED. When I, as a man, am questioned about what community means to me, it highlights the lack thereof that I have in my life – the support network of individuals that I would run to when things in my life are too heavy to bear alone. But it also highlights my pride or unwillingness to engage those who attempt to be a part of my community. But what about you? What choices do you believe you would or have made given your current circumstances regarding your support network in your life?

As a man, my lived experience has been society portraying to me that men that lead are lone wolves, and you’re not a man if you ask or need help because men have all things always figured out and do not need support from anyone. All of these myths are the indirect and direct cues from people, society, and mass media. Most importantly, there are the very thoughts and lies that I made myself believe about what a man is supposed to be have and that have made myself and so many other men feel alone. Isolated. Or overwhelmed with negative thoughts or emotions. I noticed that whenever men close to me are going through hard seasons or traumatic experiences, I’m always the first to say “talk about your feelings”, “don’t be scared to reach out”, or other slogans to encourage men around me. But I’d be lying or remiss if I said that I practiced what I preached or that reaching out to others for support is first nature (James 1:22-25 NIV). 

But so what? Is me not reaching out to others a bad thing? Do I even need other people? I have God, right? What else would I need? However, (Genesis 2:18 NLT) reminds us that God made us (humans) to be in community with one another, not to be standing on an own island by ourselves in life. We couldn’t survive this existence in this fallen world without community such as a relationship with God, but also the individuals that God may place along your path to help you along your journey. Yet still the questions still remain, what is community as a man? Do I have a community? Why is it so important?

All my life, different experiences, loved ones, and the periods in my life where I had no relationship with God taught me that, life is hard and people fail you, so you can only rely on yourself. But then again, even you can fail yourself. Five years ago to this time period, I went through the most challenging time in my life and that’s saying something, as someone who’s battled cancer twice and survived, survived being still born, and even being shot at. But my hardest battle was never in the physical realm, but the battle within – the mental battle. I was experiencing a lot of life challenges such as an everyday battle with depression, a distrust in everyone other than myself due to situations and circumstances, a break-up, but most importantly, attempting to journey through all of this without knowing God or having a real and active relationship with Him. All of these things lead me through a mind field that was suicidal ideation for months, which ultimately lead me to attempting to take my own life to finally end the battle to what seemed like so much white noise. But God.

God saved a boy who felt he had no community or support network, and unwilling to engage or trust those who attempted to be a part of the group of savers (community) who he longed for, to help him carry the weight that life was due to past hurt. And most notably, an unwillingness to anyone other than himself and God. But God has a funny sense of humor. He used to the very ones I kept pushing away to bring me from the edge of what I thought was the end of my life. God proved to me why we, as humans, need a community. Why we need people other than ourselves to rely on because no one can navigate this life and make it to the other side without leaning on someone and putting their hope in something.

Yet still the questions still remain, what is community as a man? Do I have a community? Why is it so important?  To me, community is a safety net of individuals that you can call or rely on during times of need, where we all may come from different backgrounds and life experiences, but our love for one another bridges the gap that any of those differences previously stated may create (1 Peter 4:8 NIV). I don’t believe I have a whole or extensive community of men who I am willing or able to run to when the going gets tough. But God has placed the few specific individuals in my life that give me have hope and force me to break out of my trauma of distrust and make myself willing and available to God’s move in this area of my life. 

To all my men out there, take this from someone whose pride made him feel untouchable, who experienced those death valleys that life will feature alone, and ultimately wanted to end it all because I saw no light in sight. But God. But community. The very things (Community & God) I thought couldn’t save me were the very things God used and proved to me that can. I’ve seen a lot of men struggling and journeying this life alone, hurt, and confused. What I say to all of that is, “You go keep carrying all of that weight alone? Go to Jesus, He’s the only Way.”