Have you ever got to the point where you’ve stressed yourself out so much that there really isn’t much left to say. Nothing much left to do. You are not in control of the situations that are stressing you out – so it’s like you are lifelessly drifting down the current of the fast river that is life. Have you ever felt helpless?
I think one of the hardest things a man can be is helpless. We are raised to be the head of the household, strong leaders, people that can stay cool, calm and collected so the others looking at us don’t lose their hope. I can only recall my dad crying three times in whole life. That can be a lot for some people. Men need to have it all together. We need to show less emotion, and more toughness – both mentally and physically. For some reason, I never got the memo. I am a man that is not afraid to show his emotions. I am not afraid to cry. I am not afraid to be vulnerable. However, I am never okay with feeling helpless – much like most men. Shoot, women too. Helplessness – that idle feeling that comes upon you after you gave your all and your situation did not change.
The word I’d give to describe my first 3 weeks of school would be just that. I received pressure from every angle: academically, at work, with the company, with social life – and every time I would sit still for more than 3 minutes I would fall into a deep trance of self-pity. I was helpless. I didn’t know what to do. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to do when you get to that stage – but for me, I usually just drop everything and quit. However, this time quitting wasn’t an option either. So what was there to do, where was there to go? I tried my best to stay focused – but I couldn’t. I tried my best to stay confident – but I couldn’t. And right now as I write this piece, I feel much better, but when I look around, I realize that not much of my situation changed – so then I ask God why in the world would you allow me to go through that mental spiral? Why in the world would you watch my lifeless body drift down the current of the fast river that is life? You watched? As I drifted by?
Have you ever asked these questions? Has God ever answered you?
Fortunately, I got my answer. I got it when I got to the point where I realized that Emmanuel could not do it. I got it when I realized that I wasn’t talented or skilled enough. I got it when I stopped expecting myself to fix the situation, but started expecting God to. I believe that sometimes God can allow us to drift down the river – completely helpless. I believe He can allow us to go through the pain, the sorrow, the confusion, the frustration, the anger, the discomfort – just so when He brings us out of it, we know that there was no other explanation besides Him.
I write this piece for the person that thinks that the end-all-be-all of their lives rest solely on their shoulders. God will allow life to break you down. And he’ll do so, so you understand that by yourself – you are not strong. You are not fast enough. You are not smart or wise enough. You are not talented enough. You are not skilled enough. You are not enough – by yourself.
Sometimes God will allow you to fall so He can be the one to rescue you – free of scientific and other practical explanations. Sometimes God has to allow everything you do in life to fail for you to know He is your success. I know it’s easier said than done – but if you are feeling helpless right now, let God have all of your stress and problems. Give it to him. Let him have it. Let Him show you who He is.
